Ever wondered about the subtle differences between how Western and Eastern cultures view children? In Western cultures, a *"good child"* embodies virtues like intelligence and bravery. In contrast, Eastern cultures celebrate the *"well-behaved child,"* who excels in obedience and social understanding.
But here’s the twist: while obedient children can glide through life's paved paths orchestrated by parents, those from less privileged backgrounds often find themselves lost in the chaos, struggling despite their diligence.
Tune in as we explore why simply being obedient and hardworking doesn’t guarantee success in today’s fast-paced world—especially for those facing socioeconomic challenges.
In Western culture, when a child is praised, they are often referred to as a "good child." However, in Eastern cultures, this praise seldom manifests in the same way. Instead, children are more frequently labelled as "well-behaved." While the terms may sound similar, they carry subtle distinctions that are crucial to understand, particularly for parents attempting to navigate the complexities of child-rearing.
To begin, a "good child" in Western terms embodies traditional human virtues. Qualities such as intelligence, courage, diligence, and compassion are typically seen as defining characteristics of a good child. Conversely, a "well-behaved child" in Eastern cultures encompasses additional traits, particularly the importance of respect for elders. A well-behaved child is one who listens to their elders, especially parents and teachers, with parents traditionally seen as holding precedence over teachers.
Obedience, while not necessarily deemed a virtue for good children in Western contexts, is a critical trait for well-behaved children in Eastern societies. Another element distinguishing well-behaved children is the concept of being "understanding." This term encapsulates not only an understanding of the realities of the adult world but also an acceptance of this reality. It is central to the notion of being polite, astute in social nuances, and sensitive to the emotions and struggles of authority figures, namely elders and parents. In essence, this means being able to empathise with one’s elders while shedding the naivety and idealism typically associated with childhood.
From these distinctions, it is evident that if a child is labelled as well-behaved, their desires and actions tend to align closely with parental expectations or even guidance. It is worth noting that Asian parents have earned a reputation for their desire to control their children's lives optimally. This often manifests in arranging a spartan educational regimen from an early age. Children are expected not only to excel academically but also to pursue extracurricular activities, such as music and sports, accepting this barrage of instructions with little resistance.
Education represents merely the initial phase; parents often plan the trajectory their children’s lives will take before they even reach maturity. Decisions regarding which schools to attend, what universities to apply to, the choice of study, and even prospects for going abroad are typically embedded in parental planning. Ultimately, expectations may extend all the way to post-graduation employment, typically preliminary Jobs arranged in advance or internships with relatives, or perhaps even a financial merger through marriage into a prominent family.
Such is the phenomenon of societal reproduction; children of police officers often grow up to be police officers themselves. Similarly, the offspring of civil servants generally follow their parents’ careers. This is particularly pronounced within institutional frameworks. Moreover, socioeconomic status plays a significant role here: children raised in affluent environments by "helicopter parents" often have opportunities plotted out for them long before they are capable of making independent choices. This maximises the chances for well-behaved children to thrive. In contrast, parents of lower socioeconomic status may only ever encourage their children to work diligently in their studies with the belief that “the path to wealth shall come through education.”
This notion, while grounded in a desire for self-betterment, often overlooks the multitude of modern complexities and realities. Ultimately, the objective nature of well-behaved children ironically facilitates class reproduction; children from wealthy families instructively need only follow their parents’ directives to climb social ladders, often without even truly understanding how they reached such heights.
One can easily observe individuals under thirty flourishing within institutional systems and earning impressive salaries, their life courses being apparent constructions of their parents. From a very early age, they traverse paths that have been meticulously paved with the promise of prosperous accomplishments, owning property or achieving social status long before they mature. As they follow these predetermined paths designed by their parents, their early years now undeniably assure them a life of comfort and financial stability before they reach the age of thirty. As they gain seniority, their income and positions tend to grow steadily, leading them towards fulfilling their envisioned lives.
When children struggle to possess the qualities deemed "obedient" according to their parents' expectations, they are inevitably met with the attitude of "You must go out and encounter challenges for yourself." This might result in moments of disappointment: a child treads a different path, loses money, or learns through experience that the world is indeed a challenging environment. After navigating the difficulties, these children invariably tend to revert to the pathway originally laid out for them by their parents. Perhaps this may occur later than their peers, but how could they possibly resist the advantages freely given to them?
Conversely, there are certainly instances where parents may lack patience or not engage in healthy discussions regarding their expectations, leading to fraught relationships and misunderstandings. In successful scenarios, well-behaved children may find it unnecessary to fully comprehend the nuance of their actions, or the reasons behind their achievements. This often results in a perplexing self-awareness regarding their high earnings and societal respect. They might come to believe that the singular wisdom they need to succeed is exclusively tied to being obedient and diligent.
The arduous experience of pursuing degrees that do not particularly engage them, whilst achieving high scores in subjects they might not be interested in, culminates in the image of the "examinations or test-takers" from affluent backgrounds. They manoeuvre through a carefully laid path, ultimately achieving remarkable success long before their peers, who are still navigating the struggles of adult life.
However, this idealised scenario holds primarily true for those privileged with successful and prosperous parents. Conversely, even those from less successful households strive to raise obedient children. Our educational systems largely perpetuate this lineage of raising obedient offspring, with these children yearning for approval and direction. For children from less privileged backgrounds, the story often unfolds differently.
A naturally compliant child hailing from a less affluent family may genuinely strive to embody the concept of being "well-behaved." They willingly listen to their parents’ suggestions and toil away in their studies, hoping to secure a place at university. However, the primary issue they face revolves around the quality of guidance and the expectations they are set. If a child’s parents offer misleading or outdated counsel born from their circumstances, the challenges become substantially magnified.
While their parents may possess certain wisdom needed for survival at the lower economic stratums, they often lack the insights necessary for excelling in positions of privilege or in networks that embed social mobility. Their approaches towards societal upper classes tend to rely on reminiscences about their missed opportunities. For instance, if a parent was unable to secure employment due to insufficient qualifications during their youth, they will likely insist their child must attain a university education to avoid the traps they faced.
Similarly, for those who missed property investment opportunities during a prior housing boom, they might push their child to secure property ownership at the first available chance. For some, obligations toward early marriage due to economic struggles compel them to nag children to avoid repeating their mistakes.
Such guidance stems not from successful experiences but rather from unfulfilled aspirations. Ultimately, this kind of advisory advice invariably seeks to convey, "I may not take this route again, but you must honour my insights in avoiding similar disappointments.” Unfortunately, unless societal landscapes remain static, this knowledge rooted in two decades’ worth of past experience can quickly become obsolete. Careers that flourished two decades ago may very well not yield the same returns today, and educational qualifications that conferred upward mobility may have little value in today’s market. The rapid advancements made through globalisation and societal shifts render such experience largely inconsequential.
As a consequence, obedient children raised under these traditional paradigms often find themselves in positions where reality does not align with expectations. They may discover that despite their university degrees, they are still at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder. They may ask themselves, "Why is it that I invested effort in a certain career yet I do not earn adequate compensation? How come the profession I trained for has become obsolete, or I consistently find myself toiling along with no foreseeable breakthrough?"
These well-behaved children are caught in this paradox: they believed they were doing everything right, yet they find themselves bereft of the fruits of all their efforts. Parents might struggle to comprehend this disconnect, holding onto the belief that their chosen paths were unequivocally correct. "Why has all the financial support for your university education not translated into prosperity? Is it possible that you are simply not working hard enough?" they ponder.
While the qualities of obedient behaviour and diligence may indeed echo those of children in wealthier families, the absence of a constructed path or perhaps even the presence of misguided direction results in entirely disparate outcomes. While being well-behaved might facilitate class reproduction, for lower socioeconomic replicas, it merely comprises a pathway fraught with negativity.
In regions where being a '"test-taker"' has become prevalent, these children find themselves labouring under the same expectations as their wealthier counterparts, yet without the corresponding resources or guidance. Facing rigid, unyielding parental beliefs can moreover turn them into disheartened individuals, confused as they attempt to articulate the disparity between their reality and idealised perceptions.
Individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds cannot safely plot out their future paths; they are most adept at navigating their environment while responding to challenges posed by evolving markets. For many, the identity of a software engineer might yield success one year, only to have the winds of the marketplace shift into favouring driving, manual labour, or even roles in artificial intelligence—constantly fluctuating within systems outside their control.
The median for those on the outside of established systems is, rather ominously, a dependency on outdated experiences no longer relevant in today’s world. This ultimately leaves obedient children in a precarious position, cultivating feelings of discontent as they grapple with dissatisfaction while putting forth their utmost effort, unable to see the realisation of their aspirations.
This ensuing disappointment emerges not solely from their personal efforts but from their strained relationship with parents who cling steadfastly to dated pathways of achievement. When well-behaved children do not share the same success, they are left wondering what of their diligent compliance went awry. They ask themselves why they study hard, listen diligently, and ultimately receive nothing satisfactory in return.
Yet, should events transpire as outlined here, one must question whether the pursuit of being obedient ever truly bore any meaningful weight. Receiving an education, labouring dutifully, and remaining compliant may only lead to frustration for these individuals.
For children of privileged families, obedience breeds access to a world of opportunities, while those from less wealthy lineages often discover that their compliance renders them targets of exploitation. This phenomenon lies at the heart of myriad stories of the “downtrodden scholars” languishing in poverty yet full of potential.
Historical recognitions of such social inequalities have prompted previous regimes to corruptly manipulate systems to remain in control without addressing the fundamental issues disproportionately affecting less privileged youth. Yet today’s institutions, including government agencies and large corporations, no longer yield sufficient openings to accommodate all of those who seek refuge inside established structures.
Consequently, unless young individuals can adapt to evolving economic realities, merely showing obedience will scarcely offer them a promising future. As frustrations mount, society itself bears the brunt of this discontent and dissatisfaction, with underlying anger brewing among those who altruistically honoured proper channels but ultimately feel left behind.
Moreover, this anger is exacerbated by misunderstandings among obedient children themselves, those who were fortunate enough to navigate traditional pathways of success may fail to understand why their peers, who also exhibit compliance and hard work, do not enjoy similar outcomes.
Upon encountering less fortunate individuals, it is all too easy to conclude that their perceived failures stem from a lack of diligence or adherence to subordinate societal codes. Such misguided beliefs only serve to alienate and stigmatise those struggling in similar waters. The prevailing belief that dedication and obedience will dismantle social barriers stubbornly persists within the minds of many, but the reality stands starkly apart from fantasy. Indeed, the challenging notion remains that hard work and compliance do not, on their own, guarantee success in contemporary society.